so humbled

when i moved to midland nearly 5 years ago, i was thrilled that the new job opportunity that jason had here would mean that i could once again delve into community theater.  the kids were a bit older, and we had our evenings 'free' to do with what we choose (well, for the most part...i mean, with four kids, can that ever REALLY be true!?!?)

what i was young, living just an hour and half away from midland, my parents brought me to see a show or two at the midland center for the arts - an incredible facility with a top-notch community theater program.  (we saw brian d'arcy james star in 'joseph and the amazing technicolor dreamcoat' on one of our trips here...he became the original 'shrek' on broadway...).  i grew up in community theater - when i was younger, our community theater did a summer musical, typically one that cast many kids, and i was lucky enough to be cast with my family in several summer blockbusters ;)  i was hoping for a similar experience for me and my kids. but my hometown was much smaller than midland, and i was very intimidated by the size and scope of talent here.

we settled in and i watched the center website for upcoming shows...i auditioned for shows i was most interested in - after all, as a mom to four, one has to be choosy with how one spends their time...i wasn't cast - in what seemed like show after show after show.  (it really wasn't THAT many, but it certainly felt like it!)  all i could think was - why don't these people see what my other theatre people saw?  i KNOW this stuff...i can DO this stuff.  i internally just begged for a chance to be cast and show that i would come to rehearsal, prepared, on time and deliver a great performance. 

many tears were shed.  i was to the point of believing that community theater involvement just wasn't going to happen for me in midland.  i reached out to one of those childhood directors and asked if she knew anyone here and she could just plant a seed that perhaps i should be given a chance...she did, and i am grateful, though the results weren't immediate, it did plant that seed.  i happened to meet another remarkable person totally outside the realm of the center for the arts...and we 'clicked'...low-and-behold we discover that she works at the center...very much involved in the community theater productions.  and she told me to just keep trying.  and she told me to come be a crew member on their latest production (which i had not been cast in with a cast of 50...*hard to swallow*).

and i did.  it's sometimes hard to cross the line from actress to crew...but i did it.  and i had a grand time (for the most part!)  it's always hard to be backstage and hear an incredible show-stopping song and not be one of the voices in it...but i met some great people, got my foot in the door, and a bit of my confidence back.

the girls and i tried out for a youth theater show...many thanks to those directors for including our family - the girls as 'little angels' in the "best christmas pagaent ever" and i was a side-show singer...and we had our first experience at the center for the arts under our belt..

and then, the next show i tried out for (lilly did, as well) - i was cast (lilly was not...)...great for me, but sad for her.  i was so glad to finally be given an opportunity, but disappointed that i wouldn't be able to share it with my daughter.  i had a fantastic time as a nun in the sound of music...and then i was cast as 'pam' in "the full monty" - sharing the stage with my husband which i NEVER thought would happen...then ensemble in "annie"...and a lead in a play in "on the verge"...i've met so many more people, wonderful people, our 'tribe' of people...and finally began to feel like midland was the place for our family to be and that we really could be here for the long haul (after only having lived no more than 4 years in any other place...)

i've joined the "volunteer relations committee", and was recently voted onto the board of the youth theater 'division'...lilly has had roles in two other youth productions, but neither girl was cast in "annie"...so visions of family theater like my childhood were still eluding us.

this past weekend we had auditions for another fall musical..."willy wonka".  i love going to auditions and being with my friends.  i am always nervous as all get out, but it's a different nervous, because i am so much more comfortable with all the faces in the room that are now familiar and friendly.  it is fantastic to root for others and enjoy their talents.  i'm almost always happy with how i do in auditions these days...probably because i've been 'rejected' so many times now that i already know what the 'worst that's going to happen' is...

then came the kid auditions - THAT about puts me over the edge!  hoping that the girls will be able to overcome their nerves and deliver an audition like i know they can....like they do in our living room!  there are so many incredibly talented kids in this town (and the surrounding area - after all, the center for the arts draws from the tri-cities...)...well, on this round, some incredible things happened...

one daughter REALLY wanted it this time...she worked hard...she listened to her 'stage mom' coach...and for the most part, she delivered quite well.  the other - well, she did what she knows to do...not her best, but certainly still pretty good.  and then came the first cuts - in 'annie' auditions, lilly made the first cut (after singing and dancing), and maya did not...for 'willy wonka' - both made the first cut.  that alone probably made the day - the twinkle in maya's eyes when she saw her number on the 'not cut' board made that hard work worth it for her.  she'd made it farther than she ever had before (and with about 150 girls trying out 'annie' and 80 kids for willy wonka, it's no small feat!).  the girls were able to do one reading - and then both were cut after that round.  visions of being cast as one of the 'golden ticket winners' were dashed, but both walked out with their heads held high - knowing that it didn't necessarily mean they were cut from the show, just that they were done for the day.  i'm always very proud of the girls and how they handle the disappointment...tears almost never come...we focus on whether the day was fun or not (and it's always been fun...), and how they felt they did...and we leave with smiles on our faces.  (i've been to auditions where the PARENTS were crying when their kid was cut...come on now...that's not healthy...).

and so we waited.  and i got a call for callbacks the next day (nothing like 3 days-in-a-row of auditions to attend!)  and in callbacks, it was great to see those familiar faces again.  and as one of my dear friends pointed out while we were there...we were all there on our own merit and auditions...this director was new and didn't know us from 'adam', and we had made it...and it felt good :)  we sang some more.  we read some more.  and i read and read and read for a part that wasn't even listed as one of my preferences (and that i happened to know that two of my other friends wanted...).  and it was kinda clear how the casting was going to go.

but now, instead of that incredible feeling, i had a 'back of my mind' discomfort.  i tried out for 'willy wonka' because i wanted to do a show with my girls.  what if they weren't cast?  i don't have a love so strong for THIS show (like i did for 'annie'), to spend the time and energy on it if i couldn't do it with my kids.  and...it was looking like maybe i was in real competition with my friends for a part - which i've never experienced before!  i'm always the one in the 'supporting' or 'ensemble' role...i'm never the one beating anyone out for a role...and while i'm thrilled that it means i might get a part, there's that nagging feeling that it's coming at the expense of a friend, and i don't like that.

and then the casting call came. 

if you travel to midland in the fall, you can see maya in the kids chorus, lilly as an oompa loompa, and me - as Mrs. Gloop, the mother of golden ticket winner, Augustus Gloop.

the time has come - a show with  my girls!  it's going to be fun, and quirky, and i have an incredible opportunity to play a crazy, over-the-top role, and share the stage with my girls!  and i am nothing but humbled. 

this has been a LONG story...and i know everything it's taken to get here...but i still don't know how i got here!  a part for me, a good part, that others who are very talented and my dear friends, didn't get.  and out of 80 kids - both my girls are blessed with an opportunity to experience the stage again! 

i love everything about the theater - rehearsals and cast mates and learning and performing and the crew - the magnificent staff at mcfta that treat you like a star, even when you're just the little chorus girl - and i'm just beside myself that we get to do again.  i certainly don't take it for granted.  i know what it's like to not have the chance.  and i'm sad for my friends that won't be able to share this show with me....but the great thing about theater is...there's always another show...

so, for now....while i'm very excited, i'm also very humbled and grateful that another opportunity to do something that i love has been given...not just to me, but to my family.